


A Desire of My Own

by thehobbem



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Blood, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, Regret, slight spoilers for akatsuki no yona ch.133
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:49:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9058324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehobbem/pseuds/thehobbem
Summary: In which Jae-ha has his own regrets about Kija, and makes a promise to himself.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rivaxorus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivaxorus/gifts).



It was uncalled for, really.

First of all, saying things like that was simply not beautiful. Besides, he barely knew the boy – such a handsome young man, too. And he’d called him “a puppet”. He’d even shown him his tongue, how childish. That kind of behavior was against everything he’d ever stood for.  
But then… well, he’d gotten his butt stuck in a vase, first and foremost. He could think of nothing less beautiful or dignified, so there was that; then, the sheer frustration of having been caught – he, the Soaring Green Dragon, who could flee anywhere. And caught at such a critical time, too: captain Gi-Gan’s plan was reaching its most crucial point, he had no time to deal with things like “master” and “dragon brothers”. Finally, the last straw: “Our master is waiting”.

Those had been the wrong words alright. 

He would have no “master”, thank you very much. And when the boy had started spouting that nonsense about the desires of the dragons of the past… that was more than he could bear. 

He had regretted saying it almost immediately, but still felt he was somewhat justified, even if he had expressed himself with ugly words. More regret had come when he’d faced Yona and experienced first-hand what it was like to have his blood clamoring for his master. A third layer of regret had assaulted him when he’d seen that tiny, fragile girl trembling at the edge of the cliff, moving on despite her fears, going towards the sejusou herbs – seeing her was to understand why Hakuryuu was following her so willingly (and he himself had done nothing to assuage his own guilt by being mean to her then: “You’ll pick the sejusou there and then come back. That’s it. Easy, right?”). 

But the real, last shovel of regret that had fallen on him like a ton of bricks, making his own cruel “Do you have any desires of your own?” and the condescending “Poor Hakuryuu” echo in his head for days, had been those hideous scars on his back, so unlike the beautiful and gentle Kija, And his casual answer: “Oh this? This was made by the predecessor, my father”. 

… Yes, he did have desires of his own, and he carried them proudly on his back - meanwhile, Jae-ha’s only true desire had been to run away. And like a spectacular moron, he’d still seen fit to mock Hakuryuu. To hurt him with his words. 

But that hadn’t mattered to Kija. To him, to all of them, Jae-ha was still a precious brother, someone they cared about. Someone who, no matter how much he pestered, teased or mocked them, they did not want to lose. 

Yeah, there was simply no going back. He finally had his own desire.

Not that he’d put all that into well worded thoughts, there’d been no time. 

“Jae-ha!”

He could only watch in horror as Kija’s body fell into his arms, blood flowing freely from the enormous gash across his chest and marring the whiteness of his robes. Of course Kija would jump in front of him, didn’t he know that by now?

Why, why was he so useless? Why did he constantly fail to protect? He’d failed to protect his predecessor. He’d failed to protect Yona – she had protected him in the end, saving him from Yang Kum-Ji, how absurd. And now he’d failed Kija. Again. The one person he could fail the least. 

But if the enemy thought he’d allow anyone to touch his brother ever again, well, they had another think coming. And as he shielded Kija’s body with his own, receiving every blow, every wound, every cut directed at Kija, he swore to himself that he would never fail any of them again. They were his home, and they were all his to protect.

That was the only desire of his own he had.


End file.
